I wrote this essay about a year ago during my first year in the seminary. I’ve been wanting to post it here to bring forth hope and inspiration to all who are striving in any form of wilderness they are currently treading.
When I first entered the seminary, I honestly felt like I enrolled myself into God’s “School of Brokenness.” It is a place where God would simultaneously mold your heart and mind after He had successfully dismantled all your preconceived notions. During my first days, I would literally cry out to God and say, “Lord, I don’t think I can do this anymore.” I remember reaching the point of giving up. And what adds up to the burden are the people who would insinuate discouragements and doubts into your trusting heart and unwavering faith making you feel like you’ve made the wrong decision, that this isn’t God’s will in your life. So I cried, a lot. I ugly cried a lot. It crushed my heart but it didn’t shake my faith for I know where it is rooted, and it is rooted in my relationship with Jesus. And I believe that having an authentic relationship with our Lord gives us the unmistakable peace in every decision that we make throughout our lives. Because after all, He calls the shots and our job is to obey His Word. We can always cling to His promises, dreams and visions for us. We can always trust in His unfathomable love.
So to all the people, whom I love and who believe in God’s call and purpose for my life, thank you. We still have a long journey to take so let us unceasingly pray for one another until we finish the race together. Know that I always thank the Lord for your lives. Always.
And to the people from the other side of the road, thank you, too. For the discouragements and doubts. It fueled my faith and taught me that indeed apart from God’s grace, I’m no better. I thank God for your presence, because through you, I encountered Him on a different level. A level which He had never brought me before. A level where the words compassion, mercy and grace obtained more definition in my obsolete version of dictionary. And thank you for the affirmation that I am where I should be, in the place where God has met me divergently. And it is well with my soul.
And above all, Daddy God, thank You. For sustaining me with Your grace, love and mercy as I traverse this path with You. Thank You for the privilege of being able to study and being used by You. I am unworthy, so undeserving, yet what’s humanly impossible, You faithfully make it happen for me. What Grace is this! What Love is this! And so here’s my heart, and here’s my life, too. I offer it all to You. Use it for Your glory!